Time
Time is an extraordinary ‘thing’…phenomenon… what actually is Time?!
My time here in Italy, with the boys takes on many guises and, I suppose, my approach to time also does. Last summer (2021) we were here for 9 weeks, mostly on our own- with Vandy working back in Bristol. Usually I am an extremely busy person, I seek out employment/ engagement/ activity for every waking moment, more or less! This often backfires of course…Here, living in our modern, furnished rental apartment, there is nothing really to do- yes the normal domestic chores are still required but we are not surrounded by all our stuff so the opportunity to fritter away time faffing, de-cluttering, organising, etc is simply not there.
Over this long stretch of time, our days took their own shape: we awoke when our bodies were ready, we got dressed when we felt like there was a requirement for clothes, we played, read, called people when the mood took us and we left the flat for walks, adventures, beach trips, park trips, train trips when it pleased us. We ate when we were hungry, washed when we were stinky and retired when we felt the need to rest. Kind of like modern day caveman existence! By the end of these 9 weeks, I truly felt as though we were passing time as time is meant to be passed. Time has existed since The Beginning, perhaps even before this. Therefore, surely Time is our leader? Surely Time has our back? Surely we can sit back and let Time do it’s thang?! So, why don’t we?
I am currently here for 8 weeks as a trial period for the boys to go to the local Italian school! (That is another post). Vandy has been and gone and thus, once again we are facing a long stretch without him. While the boys are at school and as my Pilates work is somewhat depleted with not all my clients wanting to have sessions via Zoom (which is of course fine btw, those of you from that category who are reading this!!) I find myself feeling quite lonely at times. We are not on holiday here, we are living ‘normal lives’ somewhere else. I do have friends and my language is pretty good but it’s different and my husband is not here to spend the evenings with. Often at home, in Bristol, Vandy and I will barely share a word in the evenings but we are together. The physical presence of one’s mate is preferable, right?! As a consequence I find I have an insight as to how those who suffer with depression, or alcoholism, for example feel: I convince myself I need to sleep to move time on, I want to open a bottle at tea time to move time on obliviously in order that we can be reunited with Vandy and our normal-normal once more…..But I am fortunate that I do not suffer with depression or alcoholism and the terms ought not to be used lightly, I’m not doing this, merely using them as a reference point for my transient state of mind.
I have time to spare here. In fact it feels as though I have additional time here: being an hour ahead, I know I can’t make UK calls or run Zoom sessions before 9am Italy time so it’s like I have a magic 25th hour! So, how lucky am I?!
I embrace Time, I am grateful for Time, I rely upon Time, I feel gifted by Time. I will allow Time and Time, it appears, will allow me.
Thank you for taking the time to read my ponderings.